Q3 Technologies review: Releiving 103

Using an assertive approach to communicating is a fair and adult way of raising, and dealing with, difficulties in your relationships with powerful people. In using an assertive approach, you avoid both the weakness of passivity and the relationship and career damage that comes from excessive aggression. Assertive approaches avoid the game-play of passive and aggressive communication. They promote clear communication and, because all relevant facts and emotions are considered, are more likely to bring about a successful resolution of the situation.

By being able to communicate clearly, you can bring stress-creating problems and issues to the attention of people who have the power to do something about them. Most managers are rational human beings who want to keep their teams happy recognizing that this actually helps teams to perform well. Often, the main obstacle to this is that people do not communicate problems. You may be surprised by how willing powerful people are to help you out.

SWOT Analysis is a useful technique used for understanding an organization’s strategic position. It is routinely used to identify and summarize:

Strengths: The capabilities, resources and advantages of an organization.

Weaknesses: Things the organization is not good at, areas of resource scarcity and areas where the organization is vulnerable.

Opportunities: The good opportunities open to the organization, which perhaps exploit its strengths or eliminate its weaknesses.

Threats: Things that can damage the organization, perhaps as people exploit its limitations or as its environment changes.

The Stress SWOT tool is a variant of this technique, focused on helping you to understand your unique strengths and weaknesses in the way you manage stress. It also helps you to identify the resources you have available to you, and points out the consequences of managing stress poorly.

A Stress SWOT Analysis helps you to understand your unique position with respect to stress management.

By looking at strengths, you ensure that you recognize all of the personal strengths, skills, resources and social networks that can help you manage stress. By looking at your weaknesses, you identify areas you need to change in your life, including new skills that you need to acquire.

By looking at opportunities, you should be able to better see how you can take advantage of your strengths to help manage the stress in your life. You should also understand the rewards of good stress management. By looking at threats, you should recognize the negative consequences of managing stress poorly, and this should be a potent source of motivation!

Like many negative emotions, it's not wrong or weak to feel frustrated. What is crucial, however, is how we handle our frustration.

Change the way you see it

One of the quickest ways to change how we react to a negative emotion is to change how you see it and then what you do about it.

One unproductive way to view frustration is to think how dare something frustrate me, and then become offended by it. It's as if you're saying, "God, I don't like what life is handing me right now, and how dare you let this happen?"

The doing that comes with this viewing usually does not solve the problem. In fact, it often makes it worse. We yell, we curse, we blame, we raise our blood pressure and that of those around us.

And the problem still remains unsolved.

Solve the problem

A more productive way to view frustration is as a chance for improving our problem-solving abilities. If we are frustrated, we need to find some other tools to solve the situation. Develop as many problem-solving tools as you can, because as a wise person once said, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail."

Ask yourself: "Because what I am doing is obviously not solving
the problem, what else can I do, find out, or learn to do that might solve it?"

What is frustration? Frustration is the act of reacting to an event which is not desirable. I would like you to spend sometime on what I have mentioned Frustration is. It is REACTION that causes the frustration. The moment an event occurs you do not ponder on that, you do not have time to think on that and decide how to handle the situation. The immediate action is impulsive and you react immediately. There is another way you can handle the same event. Instead of reacting, you could RESPOND to the same event. The moment you RESPOND to the event rather than reacting you never get frustrated. Remember the event has already occurred which means that you cannot do anything about the event now. And you have a Choice to respond the way you want to.

If you start looking at events as events that cannot be avoided and has already occurred then you ponder for solutions rather than disturbing yourself by reacting. This is the easiest way to change the feeling of frustration. To start focusing on solutions rather than the so called “PROBLEM”, that disturbs you. If you were to curse yourself, blame yourself and scream at yourself you only end up feeling worse. This is self sabotage. Interestingly you can consciously get angry and get angry and frustrated by reacting to an event. You tend to loose more energy within you when you get frustrated and the “PROBLEM” though does not even exist, seems to be existing and never is solved.

As you look at event and tell yourself “This event has already happened and is inevitable”, you would only respond and not react. Moments before the outburst of emotions and frustration there is a process that is involved. You run picture of the event in your mind that leads to an intensive helpless state and fires as frustration. It is better to control the emotion as that will do a lot of good because your reaction of frustration could be so intense that it can only intensify more. Though some do suggest that giving vent to these feelings is good and acceptable I do not authenticate this theory as the ramifications are very high.

3 most important points that you must have in mind to manage frustration – 1) Accept the fact that getting frustrated is a common human act. 2) Learn from the frustration and move forward instead of getting worked on it 3) Start creating a new belief for yourself that there are other better ways of handling situations that you are aware of

You are so much involved and totally associate with the event that frustration crops up and then it just runs through you. Yes it is very important for you to be associated, to be in the thick of things for achieving your outcomes. But when you do not get the desired results you must do the devils advocate. You need to step out of yourself and look at things from a 3rd persons view, which means that you are disassociating yourself and you would tend to look at solutions rather than feel frustrated and have the feeling of let down.

I sometimes advocate frustration and a certain amount of frustration is always good because it means that you are expecting better results from yourself. You want more for yourself and hence get frustrated. You are a Champ and you know that you can work out things better and then you get frustrated, which is an advantage for you. The questions you ask yourself can intensify or de-intensify your level of frustration. Recall the last time you were frustrated and look at all the questions you asked yourself. I am sure it would be questions like “Why the hell did this happen to me”, “This is so pathetic and life of so unfair” and so on…, Have you ever asked “What must I do to come out of this?”

Do this small exercise, recall an event that has been troubling you and for which you get frustrated because you do not get the desired outcomes. Ask your self “why the hell is this happening?” and experience how you feel. Isn’t it frustrating? I am sure it is. Now change the same question to “what must I do to over come this challenge”. Now how do you feel? You feel more in control of your emotions, your thoughts?

You have the Choice and frustrations are not external they are internal in nature and you know the consequences of frustration are so high. So the choice of not being frustrated will lead you to better outcomes in life. Enjoy every bit of life. All that happens has a purpose and has a positive intention. Look at the highest positive intention behind the event and why has the event occurred even though it was not favorable and negative. You can focus on the positive intentions, on the positive purpose which will lead you to a more peaceful and comfortable life.

Ways to Control the Anger

Using Words: The moment you are about to kick start the anger, just tell yourself “Relax”, it can be as loud as possible inside your head. While there is a devil that’s there inside your mind wanting to burst out, the moment it hears the word relax, it calms down. An embedded command will immediately make the sub conscious mind take action. You can even see the letters of R – E – L – A – X on the person who is standing in front of you or make the letter in air so that it replaces the pictures you see that provokes you to anger.

Using Pictures: Control your anger by using the right pictures. You are forced to get angry because of an external event and expectations. The moment some of your expectations are not met, you immediately get angry. All you need to do it the push away the picture that you see inside your mind and create a blank white picture which conveys nothing and hence the emotion also is so neutral.

Use Breathing: Breathe deep from within which will control your anger immediately. This is of immense help because the breathing also changes the physiology and hence the images in the mind also change immediately thus making you control your anger

Use Humor: Convert your anger into humor. Whatever picture that you see make it as humorous as possible. See the people with horns, like monkey, like cartoon characters and so on. This will instantly put a smile on your face and after that you just cannot get angry.

Most people find it very difficult to control anger and react to situations. The moment they feel that they are not in control the immediate outburst is anger. At every place we can find people who are in utmost rage. Simply because they are not in control of the situation, and they feel that they must be in control of themselves. The fact is that only because we are in control of ourselves, we get angry and show the same.

We allow ourselves to react to external situations. Anger is mostly because of an expectation mismatch. We expect certain things to happen in certain way and as it does not we tend to react. Invariably expectations from people is what makes us angry. We walk in to our work place expecting things to happen and as they do not happen because of certain people not working on them, we immediately respond.

Anger is quite common amongst all however if it exceed limitations can turn to be harmful. Because every time you get angry there is a huge amount of negative energy that is generated inside you which can be really destructive. You can control these emotions much more faster than what you think. All emotions are because of certain pictures that you run in your mind and if you can control these pictures yo! You have done it. The communication channel that you establish between the thoughts and the response is so fast that you are not aware of how this happen.

It is still possible and easy to overcome anger. The time you take to react to a situation is so huge, though you might think it is too small. An instant can change your life forever which mean an instant can control your anger too. It’s the way the mind perceives. Are there times when you stand on a queue and a few minutes looks like a few hours? Definitely yes, what you do is just distort time. We perceive few minutes as few hours. So the same can be done when you perceive a few seconds to be a few minutes and a few hours. So this give you lots of time to change the emotion and react in the positive way.

How to Handle all your Challenges?

When you want to achieve big in life, you are bound to have challenges in life. Which means you must find a way to handle these challenges. You cannot run away from these challenges but you need to find a way to handle them.

1. Break them down into smaller chunks and they will start looking small. This will create a mindset for you that it so damn easy to achieve anything you want.

2. Once you break them into chunks for each of these find all possible solutions to achieve the desired solution. Remove any negative thoughts you have about these challenges. If you find others can help you in finding the solution then you know it, ASK them. Find all possible ways to achieve the result you want

3. Remember to take action on these smaller chunks. This will give a new dimension to your challenge. This will take you to a new level of achievement and help you to come out of the troubles you are facing.

Killers of Success

What stops people from being successful. Contentment is never a reason. Even the worlds richest person wants more of freedom and fame. The most happiest person wants more of the same or something else. Every single one of us always want something more it could be materialistic or an internal need. Either way each one of us always want something more. So when all of us want something more then what stop few from getting the same?

1. Lack of Belief
2. Not knowing precisely what they want
3. Laziness
4. Procastination
5. Self Doubt
6. Fear
7. The know how

Most importantly I have seen people who lack the needed DRIVE. They only Wish to be successful they don’t make SUCCESS a must for their LIFE. Once you make SUCCESS a must then you achieve it.

I think one of the most best ways to achieve is to have the drive to do so. Imagine if I were to ask you to run outside from your home would you do so? I tell you you will feel good if you run over there. Chances are high that you might not. But if I were to tell you that there is a FIRE that is engulfing you shortly in the room where you are sitting, 101% that you will run. The same FIRE is what you need.

Build that FIRE in your NOW. And stop all the KILLERS of SUCCESS

Stress Diaries help you to get a good understanding of the routine, short-term stresses that you experience in your life. They help you to identify the most important, and most frequent, stresses that you experience, so that you can concentrate your efforts on these. They also help you to identify areas where you need to improve your stress management skills, and help you to understand the levels of stress at which you are happiest, and most efficient.

To keep a stress diary, make an entry on a sheet. For example, you may do this every hour. Also make entries after stressful events.

After, say, two weeks, use the diary to identify the most frequent and most serious stresses that you experience. Use it also to identify areas where you can improve your management of stress.

You can then use the Stress Key to find helpful stress management techniques, and then plan a stress management program.Your Stress Diary also provides important information for the next technique, Stress SWOT.

Time Management
Time is money, said Benjamin Franklin. Centuries later, the dictum still holds. Which is why management guru Peter F. Drucker said: "Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed, nothing else can be managed." Time is inelastic-once squandered, it is lost forever. Make sure that every waking and working moment is used productively.
You could do this by being organized and avoiding clutter. If pressed for time, plan and prioritize your tasks by preparing a checklist. If you still have your hands full, delegate.
Indecision and procrastination are two of the biggest time wasters. Rid your life of both. To quote Sant Kabir: "Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab."

Having outlined what task(s) you wish to accomplish, set a deadline. A job without a deadline is akin to a boat without a sail.

If possible, split your task into sub-tasks, each with individual deadlines, keeping the final deadline in mind.

Ensure that staff meetings are kept to the minimum. At every meeting, adhere to a prior agenda so that time is not lost in "putting things in perspective".

At the workplace, avoid/reduce personal calls. Besides, keep official conversations to their polite brief. And when you mean no, say NO. Beating about the bush is only productive if you're out on shikar.

Years ago, the Japanese developed a beautiful tool called Kaizen, to boost efficiency and productivity through simpler, faster and/or cheaper techniques and tools.

You too could discover your own tools to save on time and costs, instead of waiting for the Japanese to do so!

Creative Visualization
This is a technique for mobilizing inner resources for success or whatever else you desire. Begin by having an idea, or image, of what you want to create and then accept that to fulfill your goals you have to imagine your present reality transformed into something you want. In short, you create a vision, believe in that vision and pursue it till accomplishment. This can be used for material success. Or to handle aches, pains and stress.

Suppose you have a constant pain in your right elbow caused by daylong work at the computer terminal. Every morning before getting up from bed and every night before sleeping, visualize your healthy left elbow. Then overlap the elbows and visualize your right elbow as a fighting fit body part.

This technique is also used to destress. Begin by lying down or sitting comfortably. Now close your eyes and visualize a tranquil place, one you have actually been to or an imaginary one. Make it vivid: A beautiful Himalayan valley full of flowers spanning the spectrum of rainbow colors. A cool, gentle breeze is wafting the fragrance of these exotic flowers all around. Your ears register the mellifluous music of birdsong and the soothing trickle of a gurgling mountain stream. Leaves rustle in the wind as a magpie robin trills its love song to seduce a teasing female and a pair of lovelorn koels answer each other's calls at rapid intervals.

Now visualize the stress slowly trickling out of your fingers and toes like grains of sand from a sand clock. Sixty seconds later, your mind is completely calm, your body totally relaxed. You feel you're in the Garden of Eden. Indeed, you are. Mentally.

Gradually let this image fade away and return to reality. You are back in your room. Sans the stress. Feeling absolutely refreshed. Relaxed.

Light, instrumental and soothing music in the background could aid the visualization process.

Use creative visualization twice or thrice a day and see it work wonders.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation
A technique developed by American physiologist Edmund Jacobson, described in his book Progressive Relaxation (1929), it is based on the premise that anxiety-provoking thoughts and situations create muscular tension. The trick is to deliberately heighten muscular tension and then relax. Here's a simplified variation of his original technique:

• Clasp your hands behind the back of your head. Push your head back into your hands even as you tighten your arms to shove the head forward. Hold this position till a count of eight. Then release the tension and relax. Repeat thrice.

• Clench your fists, flex the biceps and crunch the pectoral muscles while tensing the shoulders, back and upper body. Hold till a count of eight. Release tension. Relax. Repeat thrice.

• Raise your knees while you lie down, cup your palms behind each knee cap and as you press the knees upwards and out pull your hands inwards while tensing the entire lower body. Hold till eight. Release tension. Relax. Repeat thrice.

• Tense your entire body simultaneously, hold up to a count of eight. Release tension and relax. Repeat thrice.

Remember to tense each muscle group for a maximum of eight seconds and relax for up to 30 seconds before the next repetition. Throughout, focus on the sensations of tension and relaxation. Do not do this exercise before or after a heavy meal.

An excellent stress buster for quick relief.

Laughter
"A laugh a day keeps the doctor away" is a dictum the Marx Brothers would happily swear by. Besides doctors, laughter also keeps lawsuits at bay. No kidding! In the 1940s, the Marx Bros made a film titled Night in Casablanca. Whereupon they received a notice from Warner Bros threatening to sue the Marx Brothers if the latter didn't change the name of their film. Warner Bros felt aggrieved as they already had a hit film entitled Casablanca. The Marx Bros responded by saying that they would be suing Warner Bros if the latter didn't drop Bros from their name since the Marx Bros were born before the Warners!

Predictably, Warner Bros saw sense.
Small wonder then that many medical practitioners have advocated a happy, positive mindset as a means to healthy living. When Sir Heneage Ogilvie, a specialist at Guy's Hospital, London, made a statement in the 1950s that "a happy man never gets cancer", he was speaking from years of experience, although he knew his words weren't an inflexible fact and there could be exceptions.

A man with a cheerful disposition has the ability to instantly light up a room full of solemn people. If disease can be contagious, laughter is doubly so. Laughter can also act as a catharsis in various emotional disorders. Which is why laughter clubs are mushrooming in metropolitan cities with their aficionados visiting parks in the early morning to indulge in their day's quota of a bellyful of uproarious laughter.

And the best thing about laughter as a therapy is… it's free! Enjoy!

Hobbies
Empirical evidence since the 1950s indicates that aches and ailments tend to mushroom after retirement and death looms larger than ever. Once-busy people who couldn't spare any "time to kill" find all the time on their hands, which is killing-literally and figuratively. As the adage goes: An idle mind is the devil's workshop. It is also a workshop for atrophy and disease of the body, mind and spirit, since any faculty that isn't used rapidly deteriorates.
To pre-empt quicker aging, retired people should begin a second innings by learning a new skill or cultivating a hobby. One could try painting, some form of craft, learn a foreign language or begin a collection-philately, numismatology (coins), deltiology (picture postcards) or anything else that enthralls you.

Those not interested in picking up a new hobby could revive past flames-and we aren't thinking about the opposite sex! Writing, cooking, gardening, flower making, listening to music, singing, maintaining a fish tank or doing anything that is relaxing and enjoyable would qualify as a hobby. One of the most soothing and rewarding hobbies is maintaining a fish tank. As an element of relaxation, nothing beats water. It is natural, soft, transparent, and not just its sight, but even the sound of trickling water soothes frayed nerves. And if there are exotic and colorful fish in the tank, it adds to the joy of the experience.

"Hobbies help us ventilate, redefine focus and allow one to indulge in activities that are health-stimulating in nature, " concurs Dr Chugh.

Go ahead and discover the hobby of your life.

Vacation
There might be times at the workplace when you will run around like a headless chicken as a deadline nears. The sheer pressure of work might make you feel like exploding or imploding. This is especially true if you are in the hotel, advertising, airline, public relations, IT, media or foreign banking industry. In which case, you might need to get away from it all once in six months or so.
Take a break from work and go trekking in the hills, have a ball on the beach or go wherever it suits your budget and inclination. And ensure you don't take anything that's even remotely connected with your work. No, not even your mobile! This is your break from the grind of daily routine, buddy. This will ensure you enjoy your vacation in toto.

Besides destressing, your body and mind will be recharged and you'll be raring to pick up the gauntlet once you're back in town.

Exercise
Stress has the uncanny knack of creeping up on most people and overstaying as a chronic companion, whether one likes it or not. Chronic stress can lead to constant aches and tensions in the muscles and joints of the body. Such stress is always cumulative and inevitably finds an outlet through the weakest link in the body or mind. If an organ gives way, you could be saddled with heart, kidney, lung, liver or some other problem. Even cancer. If your mind caves in, you could end up with emotional problems or even suffer a nervous breakdown.
But relax! Simply avoid all this by junking stress on a regular basis. One healthy way is through regular exercise. Like aerobics, calisthenics martial arts, weight training, walking, jogging, cycling, swimming or whatever suits your body and budget. Even sports like football, badminton, tennis, table tennis and squash can be healthy exercise. Before performing any vigorous exercise, do check with your family physician. For those in the prime of youth, most forms of exercise are healthy. If you are in the middle years or past it, avoid vigorous activities like jogging, which could cause injuries or cardiovascular problems. A 30-minute walk in the mornings or evenings would be ideal.

However, the most all-round exercise is swimming, which tones up almost every muscle in the body, including the eyes. Do not swim after a meal, however.

Autosuggestion and NLP
People sometimes make life difficult by having the wrong attitudes. Perfectionism is top of this heap. Unless you are a surgeon, service or aeronautical engineer, there's no need to make every job a masterpiece. Besides consuming undue time, it's a stress magnifier. Get rid of negative emotions by inculcating positive attitudes.
There's nothing greater than the power of positive suggestion, which came to prominence innocuously through Emile Coue. A French psychotherapist born in 1857, Coue studied the methods of hypnotist A.A. Liebeault (who cured people of various ailments) and came to the conclusion that the curative power lay not in the hypnotist but the patient. He reasoned that the presence of the hypnotist would be redundant if a way was found to trigger off the patient's power to heal himself.

Coue evolved the system of auto-suggestion, which was designed to harness the unconscious power of a patient's mind. He devised several phrases to put patients in the right frame of mind. The most famous was: "Every day in every way I am getting better and better." It was not the actual words that mattered but the emotional feeling they engendered. Coue's phrase worked like magic. People were cured of asthma, skin diseases, paralysis and even appendicitis.

Self-hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) are some other tools to foster a positive mindset. In the words of Santhosh Babu, a licensed hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner: "A person may feel nervous about a presentation if his last one didn't go well. This could create great stress. In NLP, I find out how he has coded this information in his nervous system that making a presentation is stressful. I then decode this so that the incident no longer affects him. For instance, if you recall yourself sitting in a roller-coaster, you'll see yourself actually sitting in one. This is a dissociated image. Now if you visualize trees whizzing past and the wind whistling through your hair, it's an associated image… I ask the person to visualize himself making a presentation in an associated manner, but with his favorite song always playing in the background. Thereafter, whenever he recalls the presentation he will no longer find it stressful since his favorite song that's playing in the background is soothing."

Try out all the above for instant destressing.

Yoga Nidra
Yoga nidra is a state of psychic sleep brought about by systematically inducing complete physical, mental and emotional relaxation. While in yoga nidra, one is in the hypnagogic state-a prolonged suspension between wakefulness and sleep. You emerge from this feeling more rested than after a good night's sleep.
Yoga nidra is practiced while lying in a supine position and following an instructor's guidelines, which may also be taped. You start by promising yourself that you won't fall asleep. Become aware of your breathing. As you breathe in, feel calmness spreading through your body. As you breathe out, feel your worries flowing out. You will feel your body relaxing.

In each session, you need to repeat a positive sankalpa (resolve), phrased in the present tense, with feeling and awareness. Do this and then rotate awareness from one part of the body to the next, repeating the name of each in your mind. After you are done with each part, focus on the body as a whole. All this while, remember not to fall asleep.

The next step is to view your body as if from outside. Imagine a deep well in which you are lowering a bucket. First, let it move into the darkness until you cannot see it anymore. Then pull it out again towards light. Consciously become aware of your thought process.

Begin alternating between opposite sensations, such as heat and cold, lightness and heaviness, and so on. Try to remember the sensation of pain and relive it. Then visualize some images, like a flickering candle, a palm tree, or a yogi in meditation, and become aware of your own awareness. Look within and try to be aware of the one who is observing.

Go into the chidakasa (space behind the forehead) where there is a flaming light. At the center of that light is a golden egg. Once you reach there, repeat your sankalpa thrice. Thereafter, relax and again become aware of your breathing and then of your surroundings. Start moving and when you are wide awake, open your eyes.

Ambience
The right colors and a conducive atmosphere can make all the difference in creating a relaxed atmosphere at your home or the workplace. The medical use of colors dates back to medieval times. When a son of King Edward I was stricken with smallpox, John of Gaddesden, the royal physician, surrounded his bed with red cloth. This considerably reduced the disfiguring effects of pitting. Back then, treatment with red cloth was done for mystical purposes, the actual benefits of the color being unknown. It was 600 years later that Niels Finsen, the Danish pioneer of phototherapy, discovered the treatment succeeded because it prevented ultraviolet light from reaching the patient's sensitive skin.

Finsen later showed that lupus (a tubercular skin condition) improved when subjected to ultraviolet rays.

Nearer home, despite being in the pressure-cooker field of advertising, Bharat Dabholkar of Zen Communications has reduced stress levels and created a homely atmosphere by having his office designed colorfully and aesthetically with space for pets of all hues, including a massive fish tank.

Avoid using black or dark colors as they create a negative, morose ambiance. Use subtle or brighter shades depending on the mood you wish to create in a particular room. For instance the color green is especially soothing to the eye.

Bonsais, indoor plants, fountains, waterfalls and instrumental music can all impart a relaxed, natural atmosphere. And you don't need Zen to bring your stress levels to zero-wind chimes at their tinkling best are the surefire winner.

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.

Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

Learning healthier ways to manage stress
If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four A’s
Change the situation:

Avoid the stressor.
Alter the stressor.
Change your reaction:

Adapt to the stressor.
Accept the stressor.

The Big Five factors and their constituent traits can be summarized as follows:

Openness - appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience.
Conscientiousness - a tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior.
Extraversion - energy, positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation and the company of others.
Agreeableness - a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.
Neuroticism - a tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability; sometimes called emotional instability.
When scored for individual feedback, these traits are frequently presented as percentile scores. For example, a Conscientiousness rating in the 80th percentile indicates a relatively strong sense of responsibility and orderliness, whereas an Extraversion rating in the 5th percentile indicates an exceptional need for solitude and quiet.

Although these trait clusters are statistical aggregates, exceptions may exist on individual personality profiles. On average, people who register high in Openness are intellectually curious, open to emotion, interested in art, and willing to try new things. A particular individual, however, may have a high overall Openness score and be interested in learning and exploring new cultures. Yet he or she might have no great interest in art or poetry. Situational influences also exist, as even extraverts may occasionally need time away from people.

Your Big Five Personality Traits affect your health, relationships, goals, achievements, professional success, and even your spiritual life. Your whole life is affected both positively and negatively by your Big Five Personality Traits!

In fact, some people believe there is such thing as a "cancer personality." If someone has a cancer personality, it's believed that their characteristics actually create toxins that work against their immune system, leaving them defenseless against certain diseases. Or, they repress negative emotions that create toxins, which can lead to terminal illnesses.

Your Big Five Personality Traits don't include the "cancer personality" (if such a thing exists). The fundamental five personality characteristics - called the "Big Five Personality Traits" among psychologists - were once thought to remain the same since childhood. Now, experts believe the Big Five Personality Traits change over time.

The Big Five Personality Traits
1. Conscientiousness. You're organized and disciplined, dedicated and loyal – especially at work. Excellent performances and strong commitments are standard. Of all the Big Five Personality Traits, this one will take you far in your career.

2. Agreeableness. You're friendly, pleasant and easy to be around; your relationships are mostly strong. You're a social creature, and get your energy from being around other people. This Big Five Personality Trait opens many doors!

3. Neuroticism. You feel anxiety, and you worry often. Your anxiety can make you emotionally unstable, and you're more likely to struggle with depression and sadness. This Big Five Personality Trait can lead to physical ill health.

4. Openness. You love adventures and trying new things; you're insightful and imaginative. Creativity adds spice to your life, and you're not afraid to take risks. People with this Big Five Personality Trait are often risk takers.

5. Extroversion. You're assertive, talkative, and don't mind being the centre of attention (in fact, you prefer it!). Being alone isn't your favorite activity; in fact, the more the merrier. This Big Five Personality Trait is found in extroverts all over the world!

Are your Big Five Personality Traits working for or against you? If your personality traits hold you back, damage your relationships, interfere with your work, or cause pain, then you may be ripe for a to make some personality changes!

If your favorite dog breed is a Retriever or Spaniel (Labradors, Goldens, Labradoodles, American Cocker Spaniels, English Springer Spaniels, etc) then your personality traits are:

Family-focused
Fun-loving and social
Easygoing
Active lifestyle
Positive perspective, with an “open door” policy at home

If your favorite dog breed is a Pointer or Setter (English Pointers, Weimaraners, Wirehaired Pointing Griffons, Irish Setters, English Setters, etc), then your personality traits are:

Passionate and determined
Energetic and motivated
Lover of luxuries
Rugged (you’ll hike all day!)

If your favorite dog breed is a Scent Hound (Beagle, Basset, Bloodhound, Foxhound, etc), then your personality traits are:

Determined and focused
Intense, even relentless
Funny
Lover of food

If your favorite dog breed is a Sight Hound (Greyhound, Whippet, Borzoi, Irish Wolfhound, etc), then your personality traits are:

Relaxed and introverted
Quiet
Lover of small groups and close friends
Organized

If your favorite dog breed is a Terrier, then your personality traits are:

Fun-loving and funny
Determined and focused
Energetic
Talkative and versatile
Rough- and-tumble

Phobias, anxiety attacks, and anxious behavior are increasing in children and adolescents – but the good news is that there are quick, effective therapy treatments.

Childhood Phobias Lead to Anxious Behavior in Adulthood
“Children who are not cured of their phobias run a great risk of developing other areas of anxiety later on, ” says Lena Reuterskiöld, of The Swedish Research Council.

“It’s therefore important to find effective forms of treatment that can reduce this risk.” She explains that certain one-session therapy treatment sessions are effective for various types of phobias.

The Research on Treating Phobias in Children
Reuterskiöld’s research involved children and adolescents with various specific phobias in Stockholm, Sweden, and in Virginia in the United States. The treatment studied was a “one-session treatment” that was three hours long.

This phobia research showed that 55% of children who voluntarily signed up for this phobia treatment successfully overcame their anxiety attacks.

Parents often struggle with saying no to their kids. What makes this word so hard to say or carry through lies in the emotions this tiny word has the power to evoke.

Avoiding No to Avoid Negative Feelings
The word no can create feelings of disappointment. After all, the child who hears a no is not getting something they want. Also, it may be psychologically difficult to separate a no from a general feeling of rejection. The parent who intuitively understands this connection between a no and disappointment or rejection may find it very hard to say it to their kids. As a result, the word no may be all too easy to avoid.

Although hearing no will likely create feelings of disappointment, it is possible to help yourself and your child separate the no from feelings of rejection. Explaining that it means the child cannot have their way, it does NOT mean they are not loved. Taking repeated opportunities to claim how the no is separate from love or acceptance may help remove feelings of rejection from the word or the limits it creates.

Avoiding No to Avoid Unpleasant Reactions
Another reason saying no can be challenging is parents’ desire to avoid power struggles, tantrums, or the child’s wrath. Handling disappointment requires the development of coping skills. Since pre-school and elementary school aged kids typically do not have these coping skills, they are not yet able to deal well with disappointment. So, the word no is likely to trigger behavior aimed at both expressing frustration and getting what is desired. A child’s negative reaction to a no means they are angry, frustrated, disappointed, or all of the above. All of these are feelings they need to experience in order to learn how to manage them.

As many parents can attest, children’s unreasonable demands and consequent fights often occur at the most inopportune moments. It is often around transitions from one fun activity to another, like between television and bedtime or home and leaving for school, that unreasonable child demands surface. Choices include fight and become late or say yes and move on to bed or work or wherever peace lies. If saying no can wreak such havoc and delays, it may not be the preferred choice.

If avoiding saying no to kids’ requests is a way to avoid feelings of disappointment, rejection, and power struggles, the probable result is that yes is being used more than is desirable. Although this may make kids happy they are getting their way, it is also causing more problems for parents and kids in the long run.

First, kids may not be getting enough opportunity to learn how to cope with disappointment. Life throws kids a lot of limits outside the home. However, children who hear yes a lot may develop unrealistic expectations of their world and not know how to deal well with disappointments that arise. This may result in crying and tantrums where they are hearing no more frequently. Also, if kids often hear yes at home, it will make it more likely they will rebel even more fiercely whenever they do hear a no at home or elsewhere.

Children need to be told no in order to understand boundaries and develop reasonable expectations of themselves, parents, teachers, and peers. In reality, no serves the very positive function of equipping kids to handle life’s limits and disappointments.

What Is a Positive Attitude?
A positive attitude is simply an inclination or leaning toward the positive aspects of any situation. Thinking positively is not putting one's head in the sand, nor is it being unrealistic. A positive attitude recognizes the negative aspects of a situation, but chooses to focus instead on the hope and opportunity available within every situation.

Positive Affirmations Can Help You Change
What are you to do if you seem inclined to focus on the negative? Even though you may be pre-disposed to negative thinking due to genetics or your childhood environment, you can learn to move your thinking to the positive side. Learning to use positive affirmations will help, as will sharpening your awareness to nip negative thinking in the bud before it escalates. Learning to question and re-structure your thinking when it turns negative will help you think positively more often and stay that way.

Positive thinking--being optimistic and hopeful--is a habit anyone can adopt with some practice. Why might you want to do so? A positive attitude and optimistic thinking are healthy. The power of positive thinking is that hopeful, optimistic people are healthier, live longer, and report greater satisfaction with life than those who might be labeled pessimistic.

Positive Thinking and Reality
Positive thinking is not ignoring reality. Bad things happen to positive and negative people alike (though Law of Attraction advocates may disagree). The difference is that positive thinkers tend to look for the best in a situation. That doesn't mean they ignore the negative event, just that they accept it and look for ways to make things more positive.

Positive thinkers believe that good things abound, that opportunities exist aplenty, and that the majority of people are positive and well-meaning.

Breaking the Bad Habit
If your habit until now has been to think negatively, to expect the worst in situations, and to be cynical about life in general, ask yourself if this way of thinking is bringing you happiness. If not, perhaps it's time to explore a new way of thinking--positive thinking.

As with any life change, it's critical that you are committed and ready to make the change. Changing an habitual life process is no small feat. It will take your full commitment along with the support and help of others.

Characteristics of a Positive Attitude and Optimism:
Optimists believe they are accountable for good things and that good things will generally come their way. If something bad comes instead, optimists tend to write it off as an isolated incident, an anomaly, or something out of their control; optimists believe things will be better in the future.

Positive Thinking Takes Practice:
If you're a person whose first thoughts about the meaning of something that's happened are negative thoughts, be encouraged by the knowledge that the first step toward a positive attitude and positive thinking is to simply think another thought. Thoughts are under your control. Your pessimistic way of thinking is habit; habits can be changed.

When you catch yourself thinking a pessimistic thought about an event in your life, first evaluate the evidence. What are the facts--not the fears--but the facts?
Next, think of alternate explanations and future outcomes. When your old car suddenly makes a strange noise you may jump to the pessimistic conclusion that repair will be costly, but maybe a minor repair will solve the problem.
Remind yourself to follow this approach with a daily affirmation such as this: When I have a negative thought I immediately evaluate the facts and think of positive alternatives that also fit the facts.
Practice the positive thinking approach outlined above and you'll find it soon comes naturally. You may be amazed to realize that you simply feel better with a positive attitude.

How to Achieve Your Personal Goals in 7 Steps

When it comes to setting new goals, it’s important to remember that “one size does not fit all.” A personalized body-mind approach will help you set and achieve goals that are aligned with who you are. Most goals are chosen with the best of intentions, but in hindsight exclude some important elements that impact your daily life. If you don’t allow yourself the time and space to take a closer look at these items, you can lose momentum, become frustrated and abandon what you want to achieve.

1. Listen to your body. Give your body a chance to voice its opinion as you set and achieve personal goals. Pay attention to your physical energy every time you set a goal. Do you feel calm or excited or lethargic? These are important cues to consider when you’re setting and achieving your personal goals.

2. Consider your personality. In contemplating new goals, factor in your personality traits. Are you someone who likes doing things on your own or do you thrive in a group? Do you operate best in the morning, afternoon or evening? Perhaps, in order to achieve a goal, you will have do something that goes against your natural style, like attending school at night when you are a morning person or fitting a workout in the morning when you are more energized in the evening. What do you need to do mentally and physically to support your personality if these challenges arise? To set and achieve your personal goals, make a list of these factors.

3. Be realistic. Be realistic when creating your goals by observing your current life situation. What do you need to pay attention to right now in your life? Are there certain things that are new and or perhaps not changing for a while? Is your family expanding? Are you relocating, changing jobs, going back to school or handling a health issue? Be sure to include room for these important factors as you shape your goals. Life can surprise us and we sometimes have to adjust for the unexpected. However, you can set and achieve personal goals by being realistic about your health, state of mind, family and career.

4. Know why your goals matter. There are times when your goals will bring you immediate gratification and times when you have to wait for the prize. Taking an action to finish a work project provides immediate satisfaction while getting your doctorate has delayed gratification. Either way, it’s important to remind yourself along the way that you are worth the effort. Connect to the self-care and self-respect that is involved in taking on a goal and accomplishing it. Write down why achieving this goal matters to you personally or professionally.

5. Acknowledge your effort in tangible ways - this is key to feeling like you are making strides. I have many of my clients do “acknowledgment” homework so that they can stay in touch with their journey. This means they have to come in with a written list of the accomplishments they have completed during the week, no matter how small. Writing down your accomplishments and sharing them with others will inspire you to continue forward.

6. Evaluate what is working. If you gauge your progress along the way, you won’t give up when you reach an impasse. Sometimes, we give up rather than fine tune some aspect of our goal-setting-and-achieving plan that is not working. However, we may just need to take smaller steps, resolve some fears, get information or bring in emotional support in order to continue.

7. Adjust what doesn’t work. When you’re setting and achieving your personal goals, it’s important not to view the need for an adjustment as “starting over.” Instead, you are simply picking your goal back up after reviewing it. All the experience and effort you have already put in still counts…and you’re one step closer to achieving your goals!

Overcoming Obstacles to Your Goals

1. Be 100% responsible for yourself. That means no excuses. Ever. At first you’ll hate this, because life is so much easier when we are the victims of our fate (”I was late because traffic was bad/I would go back to school but I have no money/My marriage fell apart because he was a jerk!”). Being 100% responsible for yourself can seem overwhelming, but when you accept responsibility for achieving your personal goals, you’ll experience an incredible sense of empowerment. If you truly believe that everything in your life is your creation (the good, the bad, the ugly), then how could anything stop you from reaching your goals?

2. Live from your vision, not your circumstances. Creating a vision is difficult, but once you know what you want for your life, it sets a framework for everything you do. Your circumstances will never get you closer to your goal. Only your vision can guide you to get what you want. If your goal is to lose weight and be healthy, then act like someone who is already fit (and put down that second piece of cake!). If your goal is to make money, act like someone who is already financially successful and responsible (and don’t run amok with your credit card). This tip for overcoming obstacles to reaching your goals requires you to focus on what you want — not where you are.

3. Hold people, including yourself, in the highest possibility. If you react to someone as though they are incompetent or negative or unloving, they will be so. If, instead, you see them as entirely capable and hold them to that, they will often live into your belief of who they are. Hold them (and yourself) there and accept no less. Start with yourself. Make yourself the example, and always ask yourself “What is my highest possibility in this situation?” This tip for overcoming obstacles to reaching your goals will release you to do and be the best you can.

7 Goal Setting Tips for Fitness, Work, and Life

Goal Setting Tip #1 - Believe

If we truly believe in our goals they will be far easier to achieve. Our goals need to have meaning and we need to be emotionally connected to them. Our habits are deeply ingrained and if we don’t truly believe that we want or need to change them, it won’t be long before we slip back into old routines. The ‘why’ is so important when you face struggles, so make sure it is strong enough to see you through to successful realisation of your goals.

Goal Setting Tip #2 - Break it Down

Rather than focussing on the entire year, break your goals down into manageable chunks of time. A 6-week exercise and nutrition plan will give you great results without being too daunting. When the 6 weeks are up, you can then re-set your goals and start another 6-8 week chunk or phase. This will keep you focussed and motivated, and allow for the occasional indulgence or slip-up, while ensuring you get results.

Goal Setting Tip #3 - Dare to Dream

While you need to truly believe in your reason for working towards a goal, sometimes it is important to suspend disbelief and allow yourself to dream big! We are told to keep our goals realistic, and while there is some merit in this on a purely practical level, it can often leave us selling ourselves short.

Goal Setting Tip #4 - Plan

Write down all your resolutions or goals. Then look into each goal in more detail and determine what you actually need to do in order to be successful. You may realise at this point that you have bitten off more than you can chew - so prioritise! Better to focus on one or two more important goals and actually achieve success, than to spread yourself too thinly and not achieve anything.

Goal Setting Tip #5 - Visualise

Writing down your goals is the first step to making them real. Posting these goals up somewhere you can see them on a regular basis further increases your chances of success, as you are constantly reminded of what you want to achieve, especially if you have included a behavioural element to the goals.

Goal Setting Tip #6 - Take Consistent Action

No matter what, make sure you take regular action every day toward your goal. Now you have your plan, this is much easier - you are no longer ‘winging it’ but you have a clear strategy. This should mean you don’t feel overwhelmed and means that you know exactly what you need to do. And that really is the key - it is what you actually do, the action that you take, that makes the difference.

Goal Setting Tip #7 - Remember: Simple But Not Easy

It is important to understand that setting and achieving goals may be simple but it’s not necessarily easy, and that you are bound to face obstacles and challenges. Some of these you will navigate easily, others will be harder to overcome. Being prepared and ready for some hard work is really important.

How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety

Fear is a powerful emotion that shuts us down, and cuts us off from opportunity and possibility. When we feel fear, we rarely see things clearly or notice the good in our lives.

First, let’s define fear:

F.E.A.R. = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL

Fear and anxiety cause a series of reactions. Our bodies constrict, tighten up, look down or inward, huddle in, and try to suppress the fear. We aren’t looking forward, we’re looking inward. We can’t see the bigger picture. Then, we start blaming/shaming in an attempt to feel less responsible for what is occurring. We blame other people. Chemical reactions occur in the body, with adrenaline and stress hormones flowing and circulating throughout our bodies. Under these circumstances, rash decisions are often made and we may start to “awfulize” our situation - making it worse than it actually is.

Action Steps to Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

1. Assess your life - Look at what’s really important to you. Be clear about what money means to you and how important it is in YOUR life.

2. Quarantine Fear - Literally see yourself clearing fear from your thoughts. If you notice fear and anxiety entering your thoughts, write them down on a piece of paper and systematically tear that paper up and throw it in the garbage. One of my clients created a “fear jar.” She took a large 5-gallon plastic water container and, every time she felt fear entering her mind, she wrote it down, crumpled it up and put it in the container. She was amazed how quickly it grew! It was confirmation of how much she had been living in fear in her life.

3. Go on the Offensive - Educate yourself; find your values; change the way you handle money; formulate a positive plan of action; get creative; and re-evaluate your priorities. Finally, be aggressive about gratitude. Being grateful is the quickest mood-changer there is and it doesn’t cost a dime.

4. Spend Your Money Differently - Make thoughtful, considerate decisions, purchases and investments. Make sure you feel good about where your money is going. Going to a restaurant? Spend your money at a place you love. In essence, you’re saying you want them to stay in business. If you’re anxious about money, read 4 Tips for Facing Financial Fears.

Realizing that you are making a choice about how to think is actually empowering. It reaffirms that you are in charge of your decisions, your attitude, and your life! If you struggle with perfectionism — which leads to fear and anxiety.